


friends

by jindorisblue



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Friends with benefit, but like w one having a crush on another
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 07:23:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18383705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jindorisblue/pseuds/jindorisblue
Summary: Staring would’ve been too intimate, when what they were doing was strictly casual.(in which Jiwoo and Jungeun are best friends with benefit… but feelings make it tricky)





	friends

Jungeun thought she was beautiful like this, under her with her hair splayed on the pillow beneath her, her skin glistening, her eyes closed, her back arching, her body rigid, her swollen lips agape with a silent scream. But just as a familiar warmth spread through her chest at the sight, Jungeun tore her gaze away. And as soon as Jiwoo’s back hit the mattress, she stopped her movement and climbed off the girl’s lap, lying next to her without sparing a glance, feeling a lump forming in her throat. She could faintly hear Jiwoo trying to catch her breath, but decided to close her eyes instead despite the urge to stare. Staring would’ve been too intimate, when what they were doing was strictly casual.

Jiwoo was always affectionate, the type of person who would hold your hand as you walk down the street, who would kiss your cheek whenever she got excited over something, who would hug you as a way to greet you, even the type of person who would cuddle to your side during a movie night. But the thing with her affection, she did it with whoever she’s comfortable with, and Jungeun was just one of them, merely one amongst plenty of people who are lucky enough to be at the end of Jiwoo’s affection. And as much as Jungeun loved her affection, she found herself saying yes when Jiwoo suggested the arrangement.

* * *

“Jungeunie,” Jiwoo had called out that night, lying on her couch with her feet in the air. Jungeun only hummed, sparing a quick glance at her best friend before going back to fixing them both some hot chocolate. “What does sex feel like?”

The brunette had to stop stirring, feeling her heart stop at the question. She looked up to Jiwoo, who was looking at her expectantly with her feet in the air, swinging them up and down in a kicking movement. Jungeun found the contrast between her best friend’s behavior and her words even more palpalling, struggling to find her words as she squeaked out, “s-  _ sex _ ?”

“Mmhmm!” Jiwoo said, almost too enthusiastically as she sat up. Jungeun looked away then, because Jiwoo was still looking at her with curiosity etched on her face. She felt her cheeks burn, the heat spreading to her ears. Talking about sex is one thing but talking about it with someone you  _ like  _ is another.

She heard the long stride Jiwoo took rather than saw it, before her fingers snapped in front of her. She whined, “Don’t ignore me! How come Jinsol knows about your one night stands and I don’t?”

Jungeun looked up at her then, leaning her hands on the counter and arching an eyebrow at the other girl. “Why would you want to know about my one night stands? Jiwoo, you’re a romantic, I thought you might not like me talking about them.”

Jiwoo gaped, so Jungeun took it as a cue that the conversation was over. She took the cups in her hands and finally made her way to the living room before setting them down on the coffee table. It wasn’t until she sat down that Jiwoo followed after her and sat down herself. They were silent as Jungeun turned the TV on, Jiwoo’s gaze still burning at the side of her face.

“Jiwoo, are we really not gonna drop this?” Jungeun groaned, finally meeting Jiwoo’s gaze again. “I didn’t even  _ talk  _ about those nights, I only mentioned them in passings, or well, Jinsol met them in passings because she lives here too, but it’s not like I spared her the details.”

“Well at least she knows!” Jiwoo huffed, pouting. “And I’m not a kid! I’m just curious because I’m considering to have one!”

“Huh?!”

“Well, you know!” Jiwoo exclaimed, her cheeks burning red. “I used to think I should just wait for the right person or whatever but I feel like I’m missing out--”

“Jiwoo, who said that?”

“No one! This is purely just what I feel!” she quickly added, she puffed her cheeks after, looking down as if ashamed of herself. “I just wanna know how… it feels. But I don’t even know how to get a one night stand in the first place.”

Jungeun blinked, once again rendered speechless by Jiwoo’s words. Jiwoo looked up at her, her eyes full of determination that Jungeun had unconsciously moved back on the couch. “So maybe you can tell me how.”

“N- no way!” Jungeun stuttered, her chest hammering at the thought of giving her best friend, her  _ crush _ , a how-to on getting one night stands.

“Why not?!”

“B- because!” Jungeun took a deep breath, trying to calm her rapid heartbeat. “The party scene isn’t really your thing, hell it’s not even  _ my  _ thing half the time--”

“I like parties!”

“Not this party, you like… gatherings where people drink responsibly not parties where people around you are puking half the time.”

Jiwoo made a face at that, even shuddering just at the thought.

“I like dancing, though, so that’s when it usually happens for me.” Jungeun said, finally easing into the conversation despite her clammy hands and nervousness settling at the pit of her stomach. “Honestly the only good thing about parties. So, if you wanna get through that then go for it.”

Jiwoo shifted on the couch, sighing as she leaned back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “What about tinder?”

This time, Jungeun was the one who made a face. “God, no, Jiwoo.”

“You’re right, I could possibly die.” Jiwoo said, sounding a bit distant as she racked through her brain for options. 

Jungeun sighed, deciding to leave Jiwoo with her own thoughts before turning to the TV, surfing through the available channels for something to watch. She finally found one playing a movie she liked, finally deciding to watch it as she heard an exclaim coming from Jiwoo.

“I know!”

Jiwoo had even gone as far to jumping on the couch, startling the other girl that she dropped the remote control in her hand. Jungeun quickly picked it up, glaring at Jiwoo who gave her a sheepish smile before saying, “Okay but hear me out.”

“Do I even have a choice?”

“You do actually,” at Jungeun’s confused look, she broke out into a grin. “How about we do it instead?”

“Do…?”

“Sex!”

“WHAT?!”

“Don’t yell! Think about it! There’s no way I’m going to a party, you don’t really like going to a party either and we both need… mmm, relieving! So I don’t see why not!” Jiwoo explained, still with a grin on her face.

Jungeun could practically hear the sirens blaring in her head, accompanied with the rushing of blood in her ears and the pounding in her chest. There was a lump in her throat, her hands started to get clammy again. She thought she might’ve been dreaming, for Jiwoo to suggest such thing, that it was all a dream made to mock her crush on Jiwoo. But time passed and she didn’t wake up, Jiwoo was still there staring at Jungeun, gaze as expectant as it did at the start of this conversation.

Taking a shaky breath, Jungeun finally mustered up the courage to say, “but we’re friends…”

“We’ll stay as friends, obviously,” Jiwoo said, grin not even faltering. “It’d be good to at least… have your first with someone you trust instead of a stranger, right? I mean, you  _ are  _ my best friend and I trust you with my life!”

Jungeun knew she should say no, but hearing that Jiwoo trusted her enough with this, even going as far to saying with her  _ life _ , and seeing the sincerity behind it… crumbled her remaining resolves. So she pressed the off button on the remote, setting it down, and got up from the couch. Jiwoo watched her, panic crossed her face, before she saw Jungeun’s outstretched hand, her gaze moving up to see the other girl looking softly at her.

“I’m only doing this because I don’t really like parties in the first place.” Jungeun said, trying to sound stern despite her still soft gaze.

Jiwoo’s smile grew tenfold at that, taking Jungeun’s hand into her as she said. “We’ll still be friends, Jungeunie. Don’t worry.”

* * *

Jungeun’s eyes flew open as she felt the bed dipped underneath her, just in time to see Jiwoo crawling to straddle her. She quickly swung her legs off the bed, sitting up with her back facing Jiwoo. Jiwoo could only stare, confused as Jungeun used the hair tie around her wrist to tie her hair up in silence.

“Where are you going?”

“Home, it’s late and I don’t have my keys with me. I don’t wanna wake Jinsol up far later.” she simply said, still not looking at Jiwoo as she picked her clothes off the floor.

“But you haven’t--”

“Not tonight, Jiwoo.” Jungeun said, words coming out harsh, on the verge of yelling. She sighed, frustration clear in her voice. “Just. Not tonight.”

“Why?” Jiwoo said, sitting up to move towards Jungeun only to have the other girls taking a step back. “Is something wrong? We’re friends, Jungeun, if there’s something wrong you can always tell me.”

Jungeun tried to ignore the pang on her chest at the word  _ friends _ , silently putting her clothes on as Jiwoo watched her carefully, standing still with concern written all over her face. Jungeun used to love this arrangement.  _ Used to  _ being the keyword. Somehow, she felt special to be the only one Jiwoo had trusted enough with this. It was true that it was better for her to do it with someone she trusted… and maybe Jungeun had craved being special in Jiwoo’s eyes. A part of her felt pathetic, only being able to feel special in the confines of a bedroom. But she pushed that thought deep down, because she  _ was  _ special, being the only one able to have Jiwoo pant in her ear, being the only name Jiwoo had ever moaned out.

Until tonight, when Jiwoo had muttered another name amidst her high. Sooyoung, she had been able to make out, soon feeling a sinking feeling at her stomach. Sooyoung, who was the only one that Jiwoo had been talking about for the past weeks, It didn’t dawn on her that it was because the girl liked her, too wrapped up in her own bubble of comfort. It wasn’t until the name slipped off her lips like a prayer, that Jungeun realized that  _ she  _ was the special one. Jungeun was merely a friend, willing to help her relieve herself. But Jiwoo was close, she wasn’t cruel, so she let her finish. Her throat closing up as she tore her gaze away and climbed off Jiwoo’s lap. She knew Jiwoo always looked ethereal right after, but she decided against staring. Because tonight, especially, she was harshly reminded that this was always meant to be casual. For far too long, she had entertained herself with the idea that the sparkle Jiwoo had always had in her eyes after was only meant for her, not a natural thing happening after reaching her high. Her eyes had  fluttered close at the thought, taking a deep breath as she felt tears welling up.

She was buttoning her shirt up when Jiwoo finally moved, grabbing her leather jacket off the floor to hand it over. They both heard it, the keys jiggling inside its pocket, and she could see Jiwoo froze at the corner of her eyes. Jungeun sighed, going to grab the jacket only to have it held out of her reach by the other girl. The brunette moved her gaze up, meeting Jiwoo’s hard expression, though her gaze still soft with concern. “So now we know that it’s not because you don’t have your keys with you, what--”

“Give me the jacket, Jiwoo.”

“Jungeun, you’re being weird and we should be able to talk things out!”

Jungeun made another attempt at snatching the jacket but Jiwoo quickly stepped back, still holding it out of her reach. She groaned, throwing her hands up in frustration before turning to grab her bag.

“Wait! Where are you going?!”

“I don’t care if you have my jacket, I’m still leaving.” Jungeun said, her actions rushed as she put the strap of her bag over her shoulder. She made her way to Jiwoo’s nightstand, grabbing her phone before stuffing it into her bag.

Jiwoo was quick to go after her, holding her wrist before she could leave the room, jacket still on her other hand. “You’re not leaving like this, Jungeun.”

The brunette tried pulling her hand away, but Jiwoo’s grip was firm. Jungeun had started feeling anger building up inside her, mostly directed towards herself. Tears was burning at the back of her eyes, she knew that one look at Jiwoo’s face she would break. Her voice was shaking when she said, “Let me go, Jiwoo.”

“Jungeun…”

Jungeun finally looked up at Jiwoo, a stray tear falling down her face. Jiwoo was taken aback at that, her grip loosening around the other girl’s wrist. She took the opportunity to wretch her hand away, her anger reaching its peak that she snarled despite the tears still falling, “It’s awful to moan out someone else’s name during sex, you know.”

She turned around then, feeling the sinking feeling back at the pit of her stomach, knowing full well that Jiwoo didn’t deserve her lashing out like that. She felt dumb, settling for this over actually pursuing her feelings for Jiwoo, settling for feeling special in Jiwoo’s eyes if only briefly. She felt dumb, foolishly entertaining herself with the idea that  _ maybe  _ Jiwoo would eventually feel the same way if they kept doing this. Before she could turn back, though, her legs had carried her out of the room. The last thing she heard was keys jiggling as her jacket hit the ground.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think, as per usual! this one's for sya, who came up with the prompt in the first place. enjoy finally being free from finals!
> 
> cc: bossbabhye  
> twitter: jindorisblue


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